Spring 2024 - Recrudescence

Things To Do After My Death

was out, and it warmed him against the gentle breeze that cooled his face. He had no inkling of where he wanted to go. He stood with his feet glued to the ground and played around with the small allowance in his pocket that he received from the prison officials. It was enough to purchase a train ticket to Ladánybene, but he did not feel like going there. Not long prior to his release he received news on the passing of his mother. Despite the heavy loss, he was unable to come up with a better plan, so he took the train to Ladánybene. No one recognized him at the train station, and no one recognized him later either as he ambled along the crooked streets of his hometown. His family home by the Csikós ploughland appeared to be neglected and dilapidated. He kicked in the unlocked gate. A few cats and a stray dog scattered. Weeds brushed up to his knees as he approached the veranda and sat down on the rickety stool where his mother used to catch her breath after a long day of hard labor. He had no plans whatsoever. A whiff of sour mold from the damp walls penetrated his soul like an executioner’s sword. He was not expecting that. He fell to his knees and sobbed, whimpering like his mother used to way back when. He cried for his poor mother who withered away in a lonely existence. He also thought of his father, whom he sent to his death; it has been years since his memory had last crossed his mind. The report of the forensic pathologist stated that his father died instantly when the rake’s three prongs went through his skull, damaging the most vital parts of his brain. Sanyi could not imagine the rake lodged in his father’s skull, though he tried many times during the criminal proceedings. Does it make me a horrible person that I killed my father? he mumbled to himself. He was unable to feel guilt but, for the first time ever, he regretted not having listened to his lawyer who had wanted him to tell police that he had acted in self-defense, and emphasize the flurry of emotions that surrounded the murder. Perhaps he wanted to atone for his sins? Or did he want to punish himself for creating a situation where his mother not only lost her husband, but all of her income as well? After her husband’s death, she could only support 105